Mental Health & the OCE scene.

Mental Health & the OCE scene.

Thread started by enz on Saturday, 4:12pm August 18th with 60 replies. Views: 3,427

enz
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Hi,

I feel like I need to post this as for the most part, the majority of the scene don't understand people like myself. I've had my fair share of bad publicity due to this and I thought it time to shed more light on what it's like to live with mental illness; we need to end the stigma and realise that at some point in life most of us if not all of us will have struggles with mental health.

It's ok to be depressed, bipolar, anxious and so on.

I haven't had an easy life, I'm not the most pleasant person if you piss me off; but I'll do anything for you if you just show me a little bit of respect, shit I'll be your best friend and stick up for you. I don't care about past disagreements life is too short.

So why am I making this thread? I want to explain to people why I am the way I am, I don't expect much or anything to change but I want people to stop being so fucking judgemental of mental health and grow up; it's a serious issue.

I'm 22, I have clinical depression, anxiety, insomnia and most recently I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) for the majority of my young adult life and teenage years I had undiagnosed PTSD which now makes sense as to why I was so easily pushed over the edge and snapped at everything and anything.

When or if I'm angry in game, I'm not actually angry at the game or you; I'm mad at myself, the thoughts that go through my head are not pleasant. So many people take this the wrong way and try to start conflict because of it.

Understand that I don't want to live, I stay alive for my family, my girlfriend and those around me because I'm not selfish enough to pass this pain on. It doesn't end if you end your own life, all you do is transfer the pain and in time it does actually get a little better.

So many people in games know I have anger issues due to PTSD, my heart rate is always high; I'm always on edge and my medication is now starting not to work anymore. I don't want sympathy or empathy; just understand you have no clue what someone is going through so instead of being a dick in a pug to someone bit your tongue or say it off mic.

9/10 times if I'm in an argument with someone, I haven't started it. Someone will be in my game, not know me directly but have heard whispers so they decide I'm gonna push his buttons or sometimes it's just some dude that has no idea who I am in a game that loves to argue (lets face it I'm a no one, plus I'm shit at CS). I hate arguing and have gotten better at dealing with people like this.

Another thing with mental illness is we seek validation all the time, we think we are worthless, we feel like we accomplish nothing so we ask how are we doing, we seek positive reinforcement; don't confuse this with having an ego.

All I ask is that if you don't know me, don't believe what people say; if we've had disagreements and you hate my guts that is absolutely ok but at least try to get to know me. Life is short, I'm trying to get better and improve my mental health. I've already apologised to people directly that were the rare 1/10 case where I would blow up at someone for no reason at all.

If you are struggling people are there for you, my twitter DMs are open and life lines that you can call do help; they're trained professionals and someone cares about you.

Again I'm not doing this for people to feel sorry for me or to try and get people to like me; I don't care about that. I want people to stop judging and throwing threats around. I can handle the death threats I get online and so on, they mean nothing to me but to others they take it to heart and you take away someone's world.

You have the power to make someones day better, you have the power to help someone feel better.

I may edit this or add more replies to it as I think of more things to say that I think might help people understand more or change the way they think about things just even a little bit.

Frag on.
Posted 4:12pm Aug 18th 18
duck0s
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thank u enz
Posted 4:17pm Aug 18th 18
Roflko
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<3 You've always been my favorite aussie meme streamer
Posted 4:19pm Aug 18th 18
Lachy2G_
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I admire your bravery
Posted 4:29pm Aug 18th 18
laess
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i salute to you

Posted 4:48pm Aug 18th 18
_Hazard
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<3
Posted 5:34pm Aug 18th 18
fearlesslato
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not everyone will relate and understand fully, but to shed some light on some dark shit, thats not always easy. bol bud
Posted 5:35pm Aug 18th 18
MentalJack
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Massive props to you mate.
Posted 5:56pm Aug 18th 18
wavey1
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in reply to enz's post .


Understand that I don't want to live

Quote from enz on the 19th of August 2018

Div3 faceit pugs dont help
Posted 8:31pm Aug 18th 18
SenpaiMadara
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ok
Posted 10:16pm Aug 18th 18
CrimZM
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<3
Posted 2:53am Aug 19th 18
F00NZ
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Word
Posted 4:17am Aug 19th 18
markzkE_
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<3
Posted 4:47am Aug 19th 18
Pandaa_
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I think its very brave to put some like this up and i respect it

I also think maybe you also need to apply some of these statements to what other people feel or maybe going through as no less than 24 hours ago, last night to be exact you flamed and attacked me for getting mad in a game and arguing with someone else that wasn't even you. Points you were even saying certain things to attempt to get a further escalation out of me both in-game and out of game, even continuing the comment for 3-4 more messages after i'd stop replying.

Bottom line is this what you've put online and out there for everyone to see is very personal and takes a lot of guts and I personally wouldn't ever do it, Just got to remember that when you're abusing someone else for being mad that maybe they are in a similar boat to you or also have alternate reasons that could have some thought given to i guess.
Posted 4:57am Aug 19th 18
enz
Posts: 4,152
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in reply to Pandaa_'s post .


I think its very brave to put some like this up and i respect it

I also think maybe you also need to apply some of these statements to what other people feel or maybe going through as no less than 24 hours ago, last night to be exact you flamed and attacked me for getting mad in a game and arguing with someone else that wasn't even you. Points you were even saying certain things to attempt to get a further escalation out of me both in-game and out of game, even continuing the comment for 3-4 more messages after i'd stop replying.

Bottom line is this what you've put online and out there for everyone to see is very personal and takes a lot of guts and I personally wouldn't ever do it, Just got to remember that when you're abusing someone else for being mad that maybe they are in a similar boat to you or also have alternate reasons that could have some thought given to i guess.

Quote from Pandaa_ on the 19th of August 2018

I didn't attack you but hey that's the problem with text you take it how your mindset is at the time and how you perceive it and I didn't say anything to further escalate anything in the APL chat.

I'm trying to move past shit like this where people take my intentions or what I say the wrong way or if I be sarcastic or banter back you take it seriously, shrug.

I feel like there are two sets of rules, one for everyone and then another for people with mental illness where people can say whatever they want and it's okay because it's banter, sarcastic or they didn't mean it. Then someone like me does the exact same thing and we get flamed for it and I'm a very very sarcastic person that loves banter yet I can't do this because everyone seems to take me seriously constantly?

I honestly don't understand.

Oh and your post is a perfect example of what I mean about people taking something out of context or implying something that didn't actually happen; not once did I abuse you yet you state this on here but because of sheeple mentality people would believe it.

I will admit I called you a "fucking spastic" at the end of the game once everyone had left the server because all you did was rage on mic and continued scream at the team after the end of the game and throughout, not helping the team environment at all. Should I have done this? No, can I help it? Not really but I'm trying to work on it.
Posted 5:31am Aug 19th 18 and edited 5:45am Aug 19th 18